I’ve coached and taught young kids for years, including high school basketball, youth leagues, and community clinics, you name it. And while I don’t remember every win or loss, I’ll never forget this moment.
It was during my time coaching high school basketball, many moons ago.
One of my athletes. She wasn’t our top scorer. She didn’t speak up much.
She wasn’t a player who demanded attention, but she showed up, worked hard, and listened.
At the end of the season, she handed me a folded piece of notebook paper.
It said:
“Thank you for telling me I mattered.”
That was it.
Not “thank you for the extra reps.”
Not “thanks for pushing us.”
Just that she mattered.
It stopped me in my tracks. Because that’s when I fully realized that what we say as coaches can outlast anything we teach on the court.
Words Build More Than Plays, They Build Identity
In youth sports, wins come and go.
But the right words? They stay.
They show up in how athletes bounce back from mistakes.
In how they lead others.
In how they carry themselves when no one’s watching.
And in those early years, ages 5 to 18, those words do more than coach.
They shape how kids see themselves.
The Right Language Lifts Athletes, Even in Correction
Positive language doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations.
It means choosing words that build up instead of break down.
Instead of:
“Why do you keep messing this up?”
Try:
“That’s not like you. Let’s figure it out together.”
Instead of:
“You’ve got to be better than that.”
Try:
“You’ve done better before. Let’s reset and go again.”
It doesn’t mean ignoring the issue.
It means speaking in a way that makes an athlete want to grow, not shut down.
Coaches Need Support, Too
Whether running varsity practices or coaching your kid’s rec team, it’s not always easy to come up with the right thing to say in the moment.
And if you’re an athletic director, mentor, or head coach, you’ve probably seen your staff hit that same wall when intention is there, but the words don’t follow.
That’s where support matters.
Not scripts. Not clichés.
Just practical, purposeful ways to connect with athletes through what we say.
A Tool to Keep in Your Pocket or Bag
If you or the coaches around you need help finding the right words to encourage, correct, console, or push, there’s a resource ready when you need it.
📘 Say This, Coach: 1,000 Statements That Shape Athletes is available digitally.
It’s a quiet tool with a loud impact. You can pull it up between games, refer to it at practice, or keep it handy for those “I’m not sure what to say” moments.
Because sometimes, the most minor shift in language becomes the most significant turning point in a young athlete’s journey.
They may forget the play.
They may forget the score. But they’ll remember how your words made them feel.
Let’s make those words count.
Stay Loc’d In!
